The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
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Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
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Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
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Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
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Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
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Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
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Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
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Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
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Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
![jaehos:
How to get Adobe Photoshop CS5.1 for FREE![Disclaimer: I don’t know if this will work with Mac’s (I will try to investigate if it does), but I’m 100% sure it works with all Windows computers]Things you’ll need:Adobe Photoshop CS5.1 (installed or not) | download amtlib.dll | download: ZIP // RAR (excuse the “hephap-byeolibichnan” name)Let’s get started!~ So I’m hoping you either have Photoshop installed or you are installing it. As you see above the link for Photoshop directs you to the official site, and this is because I can’t find any other links (and I always download it from there). Plus is more secure and contains no virus. If for some reason you don’t want to download it from the official site send me an ask and I will try my best to upload the installer somewhere.If you have Photoshop installed skip this step.If you are downloading from the adobe site, you’ll need an account. When you get to this part don’t enter a serial number but select install as a trial.
Now that you have Photoshop installed: Go to your “Computer” located in your Start Menu.In your “Hard Disk Drives”, click on Local Disk (C:).Locate your “Program Files” folder.Inside the Program Files folder locate the “Adobe” folder.Find the “Adobe Photoshop CS5.1” folder.Inside the folder locate the file with this name “amtlib.dll” and rename it like this: “amtlib1.dll” if a box pops up just click OK and continue.Now this is where the hephap-byeolibichnan folder comes into play. (download here) The folder should contain a file with this name: “amtlib.dll” drag it into the Adobe Photoshop CS5.1 folder a box might pop-up just click and continue.Your Adobe Photoshop CS5.1 should now contain two amtlib’s: amtlib1.dll and amtlib.dll (like this)Some computers might require a re-start, if yours does just re-start and open your photoshop, it shouldn’t ask you for a serial number or anything, and is now an extended version not a trial.FIN!If you have any questions or doubts about my “tutorial” (iIbet you will because I can’t explain for the love of my life) feel free to ask don’t be shy.
Update:If you don’t want to download the installer from the official site, you can download it here (ZIP // RAR). When you get to the part where it asks you for a serial number just install as a trial. [explained above]And if you are confused with the renaming of the amtlib.dll to amtlib1.dll, just erase the original file (amtlib.dll) in your Adobe Photoshop CS5.1 folder and replace it with the files in either of this folders (ZIP // RAR)Alternative downloads:installer | hephap-byeolibichnan | both amtlibs](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26to8F0DG1qg5w89o1_500.png)
![attractively-awkward:
supreme-jasmine:
alohaitsmae:
allanime01:
milojamesthatch:
chichacanhandleherself:
somniloquentsomnambulist:
this-is-me-running-free:
Disney Classics:
101 Dalmatians
101 Dalmatians II Patch’s London Adventure
Aladdin
Aladdin: The Return of Jafar
Aladdin and the King of Thieves
Alice in Wonderland
Atlantis: Milo’s Return
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Bambi
Bambi II
Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas
Bolt
Brother Bear
Brother Bear 2
Chicken Little
Cinderella
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True
Cinderella III: A Twist in Time
Dinosaur
Disney Princess A Christmas of Enchantment
Disney Princess Enchanted Tales: Follow Your Dreams
Disney Princess Stories Volume One: A Gift from the Heart
Disney Princess Stories Volume Two: Tales of Friendship
Disney Princess Stories Volume Three: Beauty Shines from Within
Dumbo
Enchanted
Fantasia
Fantasia 2000
Hercules
James and the Giant Peach
Lady and the Tramp
Lady and the Tramp 2
Leeroy & Stitch
Lilo & Stitch
Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Had a Glitch
Mary Poppins
Meet the Robinsons
Mickey’s Christmas Carol
Mulan
Mulan II
Oliver & Company
Peter Pan
Pinocchio
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men’s Chest
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger TidesPeter Pan: Return to Never Land
Pocahontas
Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World
Robin Hood
Sleeping Beauty
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Stitch! The Movie
Tangled
Tarzan
Tarzan and Jane
Tarzan II
The Aristocats
The Black Cauldron
The Emperor’s New Groove
The Fox Hound
The Fox Hound 2
The Great Mouse Detective
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Hunchback of Notre Dame II
The Jungle Book
The Jungle Book 2
The Little Mermaid
The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea
The Little Mermaid III: Ariel’s Beginning
The Lion King
The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride
The Lion King 1½
The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
The Princess and the Frog
The Reluctant Dragon
The Rescuers
The Rescuers Down Under
The Sword in the Stone
The Tigger Movie
Tinker Bell
Treasure Planet
Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh: A Very Merry Pooh Yeah
Disney Pixar:
A Bug’s Life
Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins
Cars
Cars Toon Maters Tall Tales
Cars 2
Finding Nemo
Monster Inc.
Ratatouille
The Incredibles
Toy Story
Toy Story 2
Toy Story 3
Up
WALL-E
Your Friend, the Rat
i am so gonna watch toy story right fucking now.
this is all im gonna do over break
OOC; OHMYGOD. IT’S HEAVEN.
HOLY SWEET HELL
BLESS YOUR COW.
OH LORD OF DEERS!!!!
I
I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START
I KNOW WHAT IM DOING THIS WEEKEND :D
WINTER BREAK COMPLETE. LETSGO
reblogging for my own personal use
[ ATLANTIS. IS. THERE. sdfjkgsdfs ]
I hate the fact that the LILO and stitch link isn’t working :(
OMFGG
This is what i’ll be doing in summer LOL.](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls1u3mPS7l1r3tlbto1_500.jpg)
